It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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