i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
