well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
