Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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