this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
