does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
