Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
