i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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