you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
