Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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