I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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