He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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