A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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