Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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