My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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