just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
