I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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