Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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