Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
