Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
