I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
