She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
