Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Someone signed my nipple.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
