My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
