Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
