we have pet lesbian snakes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
