Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
