Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
