Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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