I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Randomize
