I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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