there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
