In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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