so explain again why im purple
no
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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