Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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