We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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