You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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