I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
