so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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