So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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