Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
