about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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