I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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