allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
