It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
