I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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