Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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