we have officially lost it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
