Sry I called you an 8
so explain again why im purple
no
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
