Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
