new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You took a bar mat shot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
