At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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