So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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